I Could Have, But I Didn’t And I Won’t

After weeks, nay months of struggle I achieved my 5½ stone award today. I had got my head into a bit of a spin with my weight loss this week and was determined to post the right number on Saturday. I mounted the scales and watched the digits spin around to momentarily show that I had reached my goal and then click on to add an extra half pound. Yet again the scales were broken but I was not to be outwitted this time by a heap of metal.

I was hopping mad! Not to be thwarted and in a surreal moment of desperation, I almost ripped my T-shirt off as well as my Fitbit, belt and glasses and demanded a replay. In the moments following this rather rash action I began to feel extremely self-conscious without my shirt and didn’t dare to look around to see if anyone had noticed. They, of course, had noticed, I could tell by the singularly inappropriate wolf whistles I could hear from across the room. Mandy-Lace pretended to cover my modesty with some sort of cloth but it did little to reduce my blushes.

I remounted the scales to find that I was a pound lighter than I had been a few moments previously. My cares about people seeing me without my top on were dispelled in a moment of joy. I tried to hurriedly put my T-shirt back on but it took absolutely ages. The armholes seemed to be in the wrong place. My T-shirt was mocking me and making things difficult as if to say, ‘You shouldn’t have done that.’

I eventually plucked up the courage to walk across to the queue of people waiting to pay their subs. Martina, Nigella and Jackie were eager to know what had happened and we rejoiced together with a group hug. These ladies are the best, they are completely on my side and I am beginning to get used to all the hugging that losing weight with Slimming World involves.

I should also put in a mention for my Naomi who hit her 2½ stones award today. However, no one could persuade her to take her top off. She has almost finished her journey. Brilliant!

I Could Have, But I Didn’t And I Won’t

Following on from the group I had some errands to complete which required me to go to Bracknell town centre. No big deal. Well it was a big deal this time. I almost floated around the town centre with a euphoric sense of power. I felt like I could conquer the world. Well in weight loss terms I am conquering the world. I met a few people I know and was determined to talk to them and tell them my news. They probably had better things to do than listen to me brag.

I sat down in a coffee house and ordered an Americano (Syn free black coffee) before posting to Facebook on my main timeline how much weight I had lost. Now everyone would know. I want people to know how epic I am. (He says in all modesty). I considered being fashionable and buying some skinny ripped jeans to show off my slimmer look. ‘I could have, but I didn’t and I won’t’. What a stupid idea to have but it was symptomatic of how high I was on my weight loss.

Following my coffee, I walked around town like I owned the place. I thought to myself that I could do anything that I wanted. I could order a burger and chips, I could have takeaway pizza, I could go to a restaurant and order the biggest platter of food available. ‘I could have, but I didn’t and I won’t’.

I Suddenly Feel That I Have Power Over Food

This Slimming World diet of mine is about making good choices. These good choices have helped me get where I am today. I satisfied my mind with the feeling of power over food. Did you hear me? Let me say it louder. ‘I Have Power Over Food’. I am beginning to feel that I have the control now. It is no longer controlling me. This is a new place for me to exist in. I have not lived in this place before. I think I like it but I have not settled in yet and put my slippers on. In the two days since group and coming to write this blog post I still feel completely in control. I could do absolutely anything, truly anything at all. Even a naked weigh in. ‘I could have, but I didn’t and I won’t’.

Footnote

This week marks the end of my Slimming World journey with the Bluebrook Park group. We have one more group meeting to go on June 10^th 2017. Naomi and I are retiring to the Gower in South Wales. It is a dream come true for us but does bring with it a heavy heart for us. We will miss everyone so deeply. You have been part of our lives for nearly 18 months. I am a different person to the one who begrudgingly entered the room all those months ago. I had no idea what was going to happen. If I had known I would have embraced it much sooner.

We will still visit when we come back to see family and friends. In the meantime, we will seek out a new group for us to join in South Wales. Whoever we meet up with will never measure up to you good people. I say ‘good’ but I mean ‘gloriously wonderful’. I am considering whether to apply to be a Slimming World consultant myself in the future. I will continue to blog on a weekly basis and I hope you will keep reading. I still have a way to go. For now, I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.

(Ken stops typing and tries to dry his eyes from the unstoppable tears)